Tuesday, May 27, 2014

An indefinite leave of absence

Sixteen weeks ago I had the greatest day of my life.
I climbed the mountain.
Received everything I've ever wanted.
And I've seen my joy turn to ashes in my mouth.

I am depressed.
I've lost my sense of purpose.
I'm walking the earth waiting to die.

I've tried to be more outgoing.
Hanging out with friends, going out after work, going on dates.
It just serves to remind me how alone I truly am.

I've been drinking a lot these last three months.
I don't binge drink or get blackout drunk.
I don't make ill-advised decisions.
I just... drink.  It makes the people I'm with bearable.
Hell, I even get honesty out of them for a change.

I need to be anti-social.
Happiness doesn't come from people.
It comes from within.
I need to figure out what that's going to take.
What used to work no longer will.

This isn't a cry for help.
There are people who care about me.
I'm letting them know that this is what I'm going through.
And I have no idea when I'm coming back.

11 comments:

Rapha'el Ben Yisra'el said...

Hey Rashidi, it sounds like you need to take some personal time to do some soul searching. Make sure you take your time with yourself, and be patient with yourself, you deserve and owe that to yourself.

I can personally relate to that, there have been times in my life where I have isolated myself from friends and family for 5-6 months. Sometimes you have to be "selfish" first in order to be selfless later. In other words, you can't help others unless you first help yourself. So do for self for awhile, most people wont understand initially, but this is about your personal mental well being.

Even though I don't post on Twitter or YouTube really, I am a HUGE fan of your rosters, yours are the only ones that I would pay any attention. You are the best by far. So much, that I wouldn't begin my season until waiting for your final roster. But there are things that matter much more than basketball, and the NBA isn't going anywhere for now, so no need to rush. Take as much time as you need, and one day I'm sure that you'll find yourself feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

You have an ingenious like mind, and I'm sure you can apply your perfectionism, and meticulousness to even greater aspirations. Keep your head up, you have my full support.

-Raph

Jake N. said...

Getting your mind right is definitely a higher priority than roster editing...no worries man. Take care and feel better.

Fernando Bordas said...

Dear Rashidi,

It is definitively OK to take time to ones self.

As of late, I have had most of the things that used to make me happy, get taken away ... even for those close to me things have gone downhill ...

I took time for myself and come away with things that now bring me happyness and peace, at least made me be thankfull for them.

To be alive, to have known people care about me, to have helped them sometime, to still have some of my closest people alive, to be truthfull to my own principles and to those I was shared home ... but mostly, to appreciate what I have more than what I need or want. This was key, its difficult to realize but if/once you do, everything will be on its place, believe me, I am not complacent, but more aware of what I have and its value.

Then again, as self sufficient as we are, as good decission makers as we are, it is definitively not wrong to also try and get proffesional help.

Anyways, you can writte me if you want to, you have my mail, I am writting you one so you can contact if need it.

ffaacc03
Fernando.

Icedice said...

Sounds like it is about women.
don't let that mess you up ;)
it's not that important in the long-run

Manuel Flores said...

Hey Rashidi, I've been a big fan of your work for years. I can say i can speak for all of us when we say we all appreciate all the work you have done for us these past years.

You have helped us so hey, why can't we help you back in return. Feel Free to post about whats going on to us whenever you get the feeling to let it out.

I had major depression for years and i was always online and that's how i found you. Investing my time to make changes to a game i love in NBA 2k really helped me get my mind off of things if only for a few minutes of the day.

Please write back to us when you can. Your not the only one who has gone through feelings like this.

Take care man. Hope to hear from you soon.

Manuel Flores.

Ryan Vest said...

Hey Rashidi,

r/TheRedPill

Mcproduction said...

Stay strong bro. I've always appreciated your insight on the game we love. with that said, i can relate. just find your inner peace . that'll guide you in the righteous path of true happiness. peace & love bro

jon gard said...

I've had a similar period. My advice is to stop drinking. It screws with you. Find a new hobby and make new goals. You are growing up. It's not your age that indicates that but the path of your life. You can pull out of this. Just keep yourself busy. You are just bored. You want something new. I may sound cliche' but slow down from the alcohol.

Javier Valle Díez said...

with willpower you can overcome all, much courage and strength from Spain!

Bradley Grant said...

Hey I've been in and out of this site for the past few years and I always looked to Rashidi for accurate and great info in regards to NBA2K. All I can say is that you will be missed greatly but this is just a part of life that you need to deal with which with a little guidance you should be fine. I learned this through my life experiences and I'll pass it on to you. Life is not a box of chocolates but it is a roller coaster so when it goes up enjoy it to the max and create memory time stamps in your mind and when it goes down just remember how good it felt during the up times and realize that it is just down temporarily, easier said than done but that's how I cope, knowing that I won't be down for long. Drinking is cool if you know your limits, burning trees is also great but you have to know yourself and also your limits cause to the weak minded it will create a false sense of comfort and then you can become complacent. I respect the fact that your share such an intimate part of your life on the net, but just be patient and weather the storm, we all go through it, it’s just most of our egos will never allow us to admit it openly. I’ll be checking on this site to see if you made it out every now and then. You have motivated me to sign up to this site!!!!! Good luck bredren!!!!

MasB

Jason Wood said...

u are the best take all the time u need thank u for what u did do

i am nowhere close to as good as u are on 2k rosters

i am disabled one adv to that is i can edit the whole game in a week to 10 days roster wise

so if u need to clear your head
i could help u out but i only have a ps3 through