Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Notice to creeps, stalkers, jilted lovers, etc.
I received this email on January 20, 2012.
Dear "Rashidi" (real name withheld by R2KI),
I would like to know if you can create a 2006 roster update, a 2007 roster update. a 2008 roster update, a 2009 roster update, a 2010 roster update, and a 2011 roster update for MVP Baseball 2005 on my Memory Card for Playstation 2?. I would also like to know how much the total of all these roster updates will cost. I would like to know how many Memory Cards it will require for the 2006 roster update, the 2007 roster update, the 2008 roster update, the 2009 roster update, the 2010 roster update, and the 2011 roster update for MVP Baseball 2005 on Playstation 2 to be installed. I have read online that you have all of these roster updates available. I would like to know if this is true? I also would like to know how long it will take for you to create the 2006 roster update, the 2007 roster update, the 2008 roster update, the 2009 roster update, the 2010 roster update, and the 2011 roster update for MVP Baseball 2005 for Playstation 2? I have also read online that you have all of these roster updates available for Playstation 2. I would like to know if you can make the completion of the 2006 roster update, the 2007 roster update, the 2008 roster update, the 2009 roster update, the 2010 roster update, and the 2011 roster update possible for MVP Baseball 2005 on Playstation 2? Finally, I would like to know how I will be able to send you the memory card and/or memory cards with the money, and what I will have to write on the envelope? Could you please email me back at firstname.lastname@example.org with the answers to all of these questions later today or tomorrow?
I ONLY offered it up until the 2007 season and stopped after that. It is not written anywhere online that I continued to offer this service anywhere beyond that. I kinda pity anyone who still wants to play MVP Baseball with updated rosters after 6 years. The game is ancient, with inferior mechanics to current gen baseball titles (that includes the widely panned MLB 2K). Frankly, I'm not even a baseball fan anymore, but that's a story for another day.
I don't check my email on a daily basis, so actually I received the followup email at the same time.
Can you please write back to me the company that you work for and your street address? (Copy and pasted body of original message) Finally, I would like to know how I will be able to send you the memory card and/or memory cards with the money, and what I will have to write on the envelope? I also would like to know if I could give you sixty dollars in an envelope along with the memory cards? Could you please email me back at email@example.com with the answers to all of these questions later today on January 21, 2012 or tomorrow on January 22, 2012, if possible?
Now, reading this message, my jaw dropped. 60 dolllars for roster files? If only I actually had the files this guy were asking for.
Now at this point you may be wondering "Rashidi, why didn't you just email him back and say you didn't offer those services?" Well, to be honest I felt like I was being scammed and didn't want to give it the time of day. If it's too good to be true, then it probably is. If someone is offering $60 for roster files it's probably because they think they can make a ton more money with those same files. Even if I HAD the files I probably would not consent just based on the presentation. The guy had a deadline for when I needed to get back to him by, and also asked what company I worked for, which ultimately creeped me out. Thus, I disregarded it.
Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. A few days later I get a note from my father.
James Scheri called. He sent you several e-mails and didn't get a reply. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. Sending you a memory card for roster.
My family owns a two-family house. My parents are elderly and live on the first floor while I rent out the 2nd floor. I do not use the same phone line. I have a cellphone and have no need for a landline. Involving my family in my affairs is just really annoying to me (there's a reason I am renting, I am a grown-ass man). Consequently, I have NEVER given out my home phone number online. It's not my phone number. You will not reach me there.
However in a public search, it would probably show up as my registered phone number. Searching for someone's telephone number because you want a roster file for an 8 year old video game is EXTREMELY invasive (not to mention desperate, since I imagine you have to PAY FOR IT). In the same amount of time spent searching my info, this guy could have very easily found (in all likelihood) BETTER files online that would be free, or considerably cheaper than a self-quoted price of $60, plus shipping, plus memory card cost, plus the cost of searching my personal information online.
I did not return his call or email him back. I figured he would get the hint. Unfortunately, I was clearly dealing with a special breed of moron.
Today I received an envelope sent Delivery Confirmation from Mr. James Scheri. I NEVER GAVE OUT MY ADDRESS, nor did I ever give out my consent to send a memory card. Beyond invasive, this is just pure stupidity. I did not open the padded envelope to check it's contents but there is probably $60 inside if the guy is true to his word. In the year 2012, who in their right mind is dumb enough to send 60 dollars to someone who won't even return your email or phone call?
Better still, the package is sent from Somerville, MA 02145. However the return address lists W,H,P,O,BI 95153. Searching the zipcode leads me to Moscow, OH. Whatever.
An hour later my mother is knocking on my door to let me know that James Scheri is on the phone asking about his memory card. ARE YOU SERIOUS? *Facepalm* I go downstairs and she hands me the telephone. This has gone too far. I hang it up. He calls back and I disconnect the phone.
I'm not opening the package. I could probably get away with just opening up the package, selling the card on ebay, and pocketing the money. That's not who I am, nor who I will ever be, even if this guy has gone to great lengths to piss me off. I am going to the post office tomorrow to "Return to Sender" and wash my hands of it. The $2.80 this guy wasted on postage should be lesson enough. As well as the fact that I just shared all of this information on the internet. Oops.
To all fans of my work: In the future, if I do not respond to your emails, there is probably a very good reason for it. I am either busy, did not check it, or feel responding to your insanity would be a futile waste of time. Please do not look up my contact information, even if you wish to send cash, checks, or gifted goods to my address. If you are that desperate to get my attention, donations can be made by clicking the button at the top right of my blog.